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Ten years ago, Teresa and I rescued a puppy from our neighbors yard. That little fellow was named Blu since he had one blue eye and the other was half black and half blue. Blu, a gorgeous mutt sheep dog who was adorable and loving, and quickly became part of our family. As Blu grew to an adult dog, he was funny, it was almost like he wanted to stay a puppy! Playful, attentive and the leader of our four dog pack. Blu died the other day, and as much as I am trying to be brave and manly about it, well, it isn’t working. Blu was my constant companion for the yard, walks or anything really. He was a sniffer though, always leaving my side for a scent and hope for an adventure. He was a gentle dog who helped rear his brother and sister puppies, as well as three cats from kittens. Never did he mind a kitten butt cleaning excursion, he figured it was all part of the job. One of his many amazing moments was when we fostered four kittens from two weeks old. I am talking bottle fed and wash cloth cleaned. You would have thought that Blu gave birth to them himself the way he loved and looked out for them.

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Fighting back the sadness, and of course that always nagging feeling of regret when it is too late to do things differently. Thinking on such things does not honor the memory of a dog so cherished. So, I sat to write this column so I could get out what is in my heart, good or bad, put it on paper, and truly love through memory one hell of a dog! One night, Blu met a skunk, as horrible as the stench and the necessary cleaning was, it is now imprinted in my mind as a funny moment in time with my buddy. Regret, I experienced much regret in my life, as do you all. Even the death of my mother brought much regret, not because I was not there for her, I was, I used to visit every night, read to her my columns, her favorite western books, no, my regret was born from selfishness! I look back during her final weeks on earth, and me trying to decide if I should let her go or not. She wanted to go to God! She told me that months earlier, and yet the selfishness of a heart raking decision stalled inside me, I could not bring myself to do it right away. Finally, I did! My regret was taking so long to decide, and in that time I know she suffered further. I have reconciled myself and am at peace. She was proud of me. One night reading a column I wrote to her called “Eyes of the Elderly” she said to me, “Tim, how did you learn to write like that, it is beautiful”. I choke up every time I think of that. See? The opposite of regret, though tainted with human imperfection, a memory built on thoughtful love.

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I had another hard decision, I wanted to say goodbye to my dog, but didn’t! Teresa was with him, and I was a ways away. I was offered by the hospital to keep him alive until I got there, but remembering the suffering my delay caused my mother, I decided for him to be put to rest then so he would no longer suffer. This regret is hard, real hard, but knowing it was based on my love for my dog I am able to make peace with myself and have pure and fond memories of Blu boy. As I write this column, emotions that most people never see in me, are pouring out! I called out “Blu boy” forgetting for a moment he was gone. I miss him so! The way he would fall asleep sitting up every time I scratched his head. How he used to bury himself in my lap to get the most loves possible. I miss seeing four dogs come in, and now only three. I catch myself looking for him when I am going out on the porch. How gentle he would take a treat from my hand. I guess most of all, I miss my friend! He must have been suffering for a while based on what killed him, but did he let on? No! He always listened, well sort of, he was my ADHD dog lol. Always last out or the last in. Easily distracted by a gnat or some bothersome noise. With everything that was happening to him, did he cry, whine or let us know in anyway? No! He was a dog who loved us more than himself! Truly an amazing blessing all wrapped up in fur and cuteness. I could go on forever about my dog Blu, but I am going end this with the hope that dogs are also included in heaven, and that he will hear me read this at our family memorial and know how much our family loved him. Goodbye my  Blu boy!

My Blu Boy

A memorial by Tim Flanagan
My Blu by Tim Flanagan
Blu a column by Tim Flanagan
Columns by Tim Flanagan
Blu the dog I love

Love as a word, or love as an action, it has such tremendous meaning to each of us! Whether we try and deny it or not. Life without hearing the word is a dreary life indeed. Life without the action of love, which is actually the emotional part of love, is a life empty indeed. Human spirit who we hold so divine, is what? If not, a spirit born of the emotions of humanity. A sack of chemicals and electric charges that have such lofty and admirable goals, and from which the seeds of evil are born. The bible has always fascinated those who question. In fact, if made in the image of God, then is it not normal to question? Love as mentioned in the bible is always so glorious! The love of thy God. The love of all mankind! Seems it is easier said than done.

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The search of love is often fraught with rejection. The façade of lies and projection based on what one wants to be, and not based upon reality. Love is thrown about as nothing more than a nod goodbye. Impressions are often the great deceiver. Love is a weakness! Admit it, the chemical reaction of love puts everything on the back burner. Often the over achiever is the loneliest person you know. Much like the comedian, sadness is the manifesto of façade! Hard to breath. Constriction of the heart. Funny how we feel love and the loss of in the heart. While other emotions eat away at our mind, the loss of love and the darkness it brings, takes your breath away. Has a study been done on the effects of a broken heart on heart attack victims?

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The void, is the in between the desire for love, and the acceptance of life without! Humanity has been cursed with the ability to adapt to anything that comes our way. Yes, a curse! Many times, we adapt to quickly, instead of giving the moment a chance. Impatience is a hurdle to love! How quickly do we commit? Devoid of scrutiny, chosen persona rules! Torn between two lovers, as the song goes. Feeling like a fool, as it continues. Okay, for those I am driving crazy, the song is named “Torn between to lovers” by Mary McGregor, and I believe it came out in 1974.

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Reality leads to the surreal! Why? To help keep hope and sanity. Drifting off to an alternate reality built inside your mind as an escape, several love quotes come to mind. “Love is a many splendid thing”, heartbreak sucks! “Love is like oxygen”, I guess that is why some can’t breathe. “I will always love you”, that did not work out so well for Whitney. An optimist by nature, a realist by necessity and a naysayer by life experience. Love taken is a contract of the heart, but when the head intervenes all hell breaks loose! “What’s love but a second-hand emotion”, not even sure what that means. “What’s love got to do with it”, beats me! If there are any Star Trek fans out there, Mr. Spock and the Vulcans seem to have nailed it down pat. Love is not a requirement of empathy, nor is it a necessity to care. The search for love, no matter how futile, is still one of the human aspects of hope, and sometimes hope is all we have.

What is love...
By Columnist: Patrick Steel

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